William's nan's on my my money

Jane came round last night, and we had some V&Cs and watched TV. TV is very shit sometimes.
After she left, I stayed up to watch H20 which was more entertaining than when I saw it in the cinema. I found it really satisfying in some ways, and a bit tense because really, this idea of a man in a mask slicing and stabbing people is not at all far removed from what actually happens sometimes out there, there are some sick bastards who do the most disgusting things to people. So that made me feel a bit ill, but as a movie, it wasn't brilliant. The original, now that was truly chilling. I like horror films that involve stuff that is hard to accept, Ghosts etc, vampires. However, I watched 28 days later for a bit the other night, and for some reason, there was something about how it began, with the monkeys screaming in their cages, and then the infection, and the riots that turned to mass wipe out, that seemed horribly plausible, and I thought, God imagine. I don't usually think that with zombie films, however scary they may be, I think, well at least that will never happen. Anyway, a good idea would be to herd them all into one place, using a bit of bait, say someone evil from prison who has hurt children, and then douse the zombies with mass amounts of petrol and burn them. Anyway, after Halloween, I watched a documentary about the sun and nuclear fusion, and how if we were able to create a star on earth we would never want for energy, or waste fossil fuel again.

Dylan got me up this morning at 7.30 am, that's no good for a Saturday, but he is so beautiful, I don't really mind, and i made him pancakes for breakfast, and he was so damn lovely eating them with his little tousled head and tiny pink lips.

I've been reading the Saturday papers on line, I really can't face going out yet, it's one of those bland February days that I have never liked.

X

I am sad.
Feel sad.
Not totally sure why.
Just do.

Good 'Norning'

That's how my son says it, 'Good Norning' - adorable.

Yes, this no booze in the evening time is working OK for me. I suppose the allure for me is the fact that my own day, one that is not taken up with child care, starts after Dylan goes to bed. But for the moment, I am gonna have a roll up, drink my tea and go to bed nice and early. I am gonna do this for a while to see if it makes me feel happier. And I am definitly not giving up wine for ever, I love the stuff. I just want to learn how to have the one, as opposed to the one after the other. And as for the Government guidelines, they can screw off, they are out of control with some of their ideas.

A Goddess' touch

You can tell that the season is changing. On Saturday, after I had dropped off D with his dad, I came home and felt that hopeful bounce on the heels of the day, and as it turned to evening I looked out of my kitchen window at the sky, where streams of clouds lay against the fresh evening hue. It was as though a Goddess had trailed her finger tips in coral pink stardust and then ran them lazily, dreamily through a pool of dawn blue water.

I walked over to my parents after that, and took my washing to do. When there I had a few glasses of rose. Daniel filmed me doing DraculaGirl , where I appeared to glide across the floor towards him, with my arms out, and a black cloak over my head - but I was actually on a skateboard. It was funny. We all giggled alot.

Last night Damien did a stunning gig at the NewCross Inn, this guy was mad about it. Damien was amazing. This bloke just went on and on about it. But I was damn proud. His harmonica playing was better than Bob Dylan's and his singing was sweet like Chet Baker yet raw and honest like Cash.

There was also a band on called Japanese Pop Children - all male, infact, really sweet, but they weren't children. I spoke to them before they went on, and produced my one line of Japanese for them, which they loved. Ed and me played pool, he just beat me - he realised I was winning and put in his best moves. Anyway, I didn't drink, except for one lone shot of tequila to go with the pool, but that ammount wouldnt even make my little finger boogie. Booze - I am off it at the moment...

washing windows

D and I have just had a lot of fun washing the front door and windows with lots of soapy water. Shame the drain is blocked because we were paddling around in soap and stuff, maybe I will chuck some borax down it, then again, my neighbour who plumbs mentioned doing something about it...D is watching Spongebob now. I am on my tenth white tea (as in Green tea, but younger).

well tonight, we are in together with the TV and I think once D is in bed, I'll watch Brick Lane at 9, and 'retire' to my bed nice and early, if the film don't agree with me.

Tomorrow there is one film left that I still need to see, The Wrestler...I did like Mickey Rourke in Rumblefish, he has changed a bit though ha ha.

vodka and pool

we went along to see Damien in a gig in Camberwell. I had a few vodkas, and felt quite pissed actually. So at the end of Damien's set, I was up next for pool, played and then stayed on because I beat this guy, and then this next guy got up to play, and he had bought his own cue, but soon I was potting mine, and he was missing, and I sensed that he was angry, I mean when he took a shot, he pulled back and his cue smashed my glass to pieces, and it was filled with V&C and when I showed him he just shrugged. So my mum, dad and brothers and Sean on the other side of the place, had said they wanted to go soon, so I walked off, too drunk to give a shit, but sober enough to walk straight and feel o.k. And then this guy with two crucifixes around his neck, two staf dogs, i think they were, said something to me, he reminded me, maybe, that he was meant to have played me in stead of the drink smashing guy. Oh yeah - he had gone out to smoke this joint, but i forgot and didn't care anyway. Then we were just staring at each other, not in a nice way, but he wanted to intimidate me and i thought, no i don't think so...and I thought, is he going to glass me? and then i thought I'll be ready, ill block him and smash his face!!!!! And then, i guess i thought fuck it, and walked on. I am too sweet to caught up in this kind of ugly mad shit, but i cant stand being picked on. Anyway, my brother was amazing up on stage, but next time, i might not bother entering the pool games when its all blokes, testosterone and stuff. Nah.

Black, no milk

I bumped into the lady I sometimes chat to in Costa, she told me that my voice was 'gently energetic' and that I had 'verve', I liked that and I considered staying to hear more, but when she winked I knew she was going to turn back to her writing, and she did, with her mass of rich grey and white hair shrouding her secretive face and her electric blue eyebrows.

Hmm

Tiscali offer the worst customer service I have ever encountered in my life, and that's saying something.

street wind blowin' in me face

Just got dropped off by Dan following Damien's gig which was wicked. I got bought loads of wine 'cause I am skint, and they just flowed. And there was a moment, when the candle light, sent a sharp glow of its sweet tear drop shape across my fingers, so I turned my palm to catch it, and it was as if I had captured in my hand a little light-fairy, and I showed Ed, 'look what I have caught' and it was so bright and crisp I could see the design of my very hand where-ever she lay. Beautiful. And on the way back, I rolled down the window cause they were smoking and it was heavy in the car, and the wind blew hard on my face and it was gorgeous, and I just grinned into the air and the street that whizzed by so beautifully

funny valentine

I have decided that i want a valentine card from a sexy gorgeous man with a sensitive soul, but strong and able to do a man's job when necessary. : )
I don't go out much these days so there will be NO chance of that.

I will make a little card for D. I love D best in all the world. Right now he is fast asleep on the sofa, with his dinosaur book, two little aeroplanes, and he has rested his head on his two tiny joined hands.

HEART.

Hi

I was so tired when I woke up this morning, really not in the mood to get out.

We had lots of wine, well not tons, but enough, at my mum and dad's last night, and Mel was there, and we had this lovely cod thing in tomato and pepper sauce.

Might sleep if I can.

sore eyes

just been cutting up a red onion.

D is watching the hungry caterpillar.

My washing machine is broken.

Bollox.

need to visit free cycle.

Beautiful Boy

yesterday evening in the sprinkling rain we went out, D was peddling away over the shimmering pavements and it was the most beautiful thing that I have laid my eyes on in a long time. I followed close behind him with my umbrella, and we went through Greenwich and the rain was so nice over our heads, so clean and enlivening. It did get a bit farcical when D decided to abandon the bike and run and jump, and then wouldnt get back on it, so we terminated the mission and went home, but I am so happy to see him get such vigorous exercise. Later I had a few little glasses of wine after we did the bed time stories and he fell asleep on my lap in the glowing lamp light. I read lots more of the Madonna book, and then watched a bit of a De Niro movie before realising it was late and we had to be up early.

D is watching some kids stuff. I am a tiny bit restless, it's raining and that's quite nice, but feel like I want to do lots but I am quite sure what - all my best work is in neat stacks, my website has become a museum piece - I need something new to plunge myself into.

Reading a Madonna book which i got from the charity shop for 50p, but its so very interesting and entertaining. She has definitely never given up being as driven and exacting as she started out to be.

Had pomegranate bits with yogurt not long ago - nice.

Saw Vicky Christina Barcelona yesterday, that was interesting and enjoyable too.

I like my hair blonde again. It's great. Very light.

It's been interesting snowing you

When I walked through the park on Monday night, there was a lilac haze in the air above the whitened ground, between the black trees and silhouettes of people moving about, playing, pulling sledges. The packed snowfall must magnify sound, it must contain it somehow - all the laughter, and movement seemed as close as if it were inside - there was no wind, just this strange sound of people in the snow. I saw the world's hugest snowball, it'll take forever to melt. It has been a very nice and very interesting time. I saw Slumdog Millionaire at the weekend, me and J- shed a few tears. And then I saw Milk - a brilliant film, and Doubt - amazing acting and stuff like that.