no title nothing

I am so fucking depressed I just wanna kill myself. Not joking my head is a black mess, and I can see it all dissipating again into that mad pain that gets me. I am never gonna make it out of this hell, never gonna get where I want to be, I am not getting anywhere with publishers or finding a jazz band. It's shit, what am i doing? Its been too, too, too long. here I am being a mum, its meant to be so worthy, and it is, but to be the best mum ever i need more. A part of me is dying inside. I am going dark in my head again. I just want a way out of this, and i cant see it today. My brain is alive, alive, alive with thoughts and ideas, and beautiful work, and good music and yet I am alone and no one can hear me screaming, or see me. I am Invisible. I'll die this way won't I? I give up. I really do. I am poor, broken, depressed and finally just don't want to do it anymore.