Secret Santa Smashed in the guts by a disgruntled punter

I suppose since it's November, the month that has fuck all to do with Christmas in my little book of existence, let's talk good will. Having partaken a family debate last weekend about how we should go about this Secret Santa thing, and what the 'rules' are, I can see this year turning into a massacre with Santas being thrown left and right, red hats landing violently on the floor, one Santa gets bottled, the other pistol whipped with the nephew's new water gun. I personally think it should be Public Santa, so we can tell the person what we want (to avoid the stress of having gifted someone with an amazing Japanese gadget or something, only to receive from another, a framed photo of their dog - this horror, and avoidance of it, appeared to be generally felt, during the debate) - the fear of being horribly exposed for being a stingy mean-faced Santa must prevail, in order for it all to go well. You see when it all got a bit loud during the debate, I realised that this Secret Santa madness is exposing what Christmas really means to us - that we couldn't give a rat's shabby ass about baby Jesus, or the true meaning of Christmas, as much as getting the right thing in our sweaty little palms come Christmas morning. It's enough to make me grin all day.

I also have a proposal for the organisers of seasonal occassion - these obscure beings, made up of consumers, desperados, Capitalists, and the fun loving among us. It is this: leave November alone - no tinsel, no carrols, no horrid M&S ads set in country homes, where by the looks of things, happy frolicking will have descended into a full blown out of control orgy by midnight, and let this be the Horror month. It should be all about ghouls, ghosts, vampires, the walking dead and pissed off people getting it good. There should be an extended Halloween aura all the month, with horror movies stacked up on the cinema listings, and parties full of montrous decorations, and then with a little puff would come in December - and so Christmas comes in and sweeps away the mean dark and the cold world, just like it's supposed to.