The Music is all I ever Needed

Thursday 23rd, D called me out on the balcony and started singing me a song, while holding his guitar. Next, I hear Joel calling up. his name isn't actually 'D' by the way.

We all went to the park, me, D, my sister Alice and her two; Amelie (2) and Joel (11)

we went up to the flower garden and fed the ducks, it was late in the day, and the park was mellow and still warm. The deer stood beyond their silent confines too, and we showed them to the children. Alice and I had some rose wine, and drank it in paper cups while the three of them sat in a massive crater a quarter of the way up one of those ancient Greenwich park trees. their three heads poking out was adorable.
The flowers were in bloom amongst the foliage, the large floppy kind, and the smell was an achingly sweet reminder of hte days of my life, and that i was a child once


They all stayed at mine for the night. Alice said it was like a holiday, which to me, felt like a huge compliment to my hosptitality, and my lovely warm, cosy home, with the big trees rustling on one side, and the blossom snowing down on the other.

D has just asked me to play 'pom pom peowww' - which is us firing at each other. Cute.

Anyway ,my gig on Sunday was magical. The whole place came to a stand still, and me and Dan performed perfectly, we really did, it was so smooth there were no mistakes or nerves. Everyone cheered wildly between each song. I am so happy.

just got back from the park. it's sparkling hot. we went to the swings, D on his three wheeler bike. He was on the swing for ages, and when i suggested something else, he just said, 'no' and 'faster'. eventually we went to the sand pit. He helped some kids who were digging a hole, then he got on his bike and cycled about, around and around the pit, and even tried to get it in the sand.

When he went on the roundabout, which he usually just likes to run circles around, he jumped on, and then tried to jump off like one of the bigger kids. But he fell hard on his tummy. He tried it again, and fell again, and when he looked up he looked so confused, it was so sweet, so i told everyone he was a superhero, and one of the kids asked me if his bike was a superhero bike, and i said yes.

Ice creams later, we are back at home and he is playing on the balcony with the next door girl. : )

D watching curious George, while i have a coffee, having a mild inner debate about going to the park.

look at the lovely sky mummy

that is what D says to me, signalling the commencement of our game. I pretend to stare in wonder at the sky, standing entranced on our balcony. Next i hear mad shrieking laughter, and D is cycling on his three wheeler like a tiny hell raiser right for me, and the game is, that i have to notice at the last minute and jump back. To which he explodes in delighted mischievous laughter.

we went to the park yesterday, and on the sunny walk back i let him run bare foot through a rain puddle, it was clear and clean - he stomped, and jumped, and kicked the rain up, then suddenly he knelt down in it, he loved it, this little kid stopped and stared and took a step toward the puddle, and his mum was shouting, 'no you don't, you go near that puddle, we go home RIGHT NOW!' then she said to me, 'after the park maybe, but not before'. So I said to the little kid, 'we are on our way home', and on they went. D was exhilarated and there was a group of older but still little kids on a bench watching him take on these lovely rain puddles that reflected the new green trees, and they were going 'look! look!'.

Good Friday

Me and my brothers and sisters are catholic by default, 'cause of my parents, and none of us has chosen to follow anything else, but no one is properly Catholic either, now, there is a part of me that can't stand religion as i feel that church was thrust in my face with too much sombre rigour, and to resist it was disapproved of with great severity, which is silly, because no matter how holy you are, Church IS boring. Occasionally, it's not.

However, Good Friday has retained a magic for me.

I am gonna take D out for a special breakfast somewhere.

The Music

This morning was lovely, when me and D went out to the shops to get some necessitys, including chocolate cake and daffodils for my window sill, the kind that has an almost lurid orange centre (I forget the word for that bit), the sky was a little grey, but the air had that biting fresh cut to it, that is Easter April. We felt very light spots of rain on our noses. As we walked under a blossom tree, i stopped and told D to look up. Then I plucked him a lone blossom flower and gave it to him, and he held it all the way to the shops in between his little fingers.

Right now he is playing in his tent in the middle of our living room floor.

I have a gig coming up on the 26th April in a cool bar. I am pleased.

don't wiggle the coat of the psycho what wears it

Love is the good mans politic.

I have found that it is true my friends, when you know someone is a bit edgy, or prone to dodgy comments and a face like they've just chewed on a bag of wasps and lemons - leave it, walk away.

Other than that its a been a good weekend, apart from the fact D's dad is being a total weirdo, and not sticking to arrangements and being massively passive aggressive. I'm learning not to get it get to me to much, to roll my eyes and forget about it.

I want to say Love is everything, that it saves and heals. But I can't. Love for me right now is just something people do. But if Love, was just love, it would not work, if it was just a 'feeling' or an 'emotion'. Love cannot just be love - love is action, love is proven. Love does not sit still and simply feel. Love shows itself in so many ways, or it's not really Love.

No enthusiasm to curb

I actually don't think anyone in the whole universe is reading this.

Jess' birthday this evening, at the Tapas bar. Someone was stabbed round the corner from me last weekend. There are flowers there now. Poor guy. no one deserves that. I don't know if they caught is murderer yet. I do resent these people with knives who actually WANT trouble. sick.

if no one is reading it, I'll still write, Writers NEED to write, no matter what.

FiddleDeeDee

Ambivalent about it all. Need to do more, but not sure how.


Went to my aunts' 60th at the weekend, and wore this lovely silk dress which i cinched up with a belt, hot pink sling backs, and a petite little cardigan - I did look good. The buffet was delicious. My aunt Mary came back to mine and we sat up and drank some vodka, and shared some secrets.